Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Urinal Cakes

In order to cover the smell
Of a urine-soaked bathroom-y hell,
Just throw in a cake,
Then the seal you can break,
With these cakes, your piss-lake will smell swell!


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Merits of Owning a Turquoise Accordion

When I was but just a young lad
A turquoise blue squeeze-box I had
In school I was mocked
But the jocks now'd be shocked - 
'Cuz that thing scores me pussy like mad


Sunday, January 15, 2012

Grapefruit Juice is Fucking Disgusting

Why the fuck does grapefruit juice
Taste so obscenely sour?
It makes my teeth feel gritty
And the taste lasts for an hour

I can't believe that people
Really like that nasty stuff
Even looking at a glass,
For me, is quite enough

I don't think that I'll ever like
The taste of grapefruit juice
If people try to give me some,
Then vomit I'll induce

And those of you that say
That my opinion's way off course,
Then both you and your grapefruit juice
Can go and fuck a horse.


Saturday, January 7, 2012

A Series of Scatological Limericks on the Subject of the Dangers of Eating Indian Food Before Getting on an Airplane

1.
I hankered and hungered for food
Some nosh that would go with my mood
So Indian curry
I ate in a hurry
While airborne the next day, I pooed



2.
I tell you, it's always a pain
To eat curry and go on a plane
'Cuz my farts start to stink
In my seat I do sink
My cover-ups all are in vain



3.
My bowels are having a fit
As here on the plane I do sit
The bathroom is taken
And here I am, shakin'
'Cuz all that I want is to shit



4.
The restrooms on planes are so small
My shoulders are hittin' the wall
And the smell from my ass
From the gas that I pass
Is so noxious I can't breathe at all



5.
It's milk products I can't digest
I really should give them a rest
When my ass starts to bubble
You know you're in trouble
Your nostrils, my farts will molest